Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
