My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
