I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Randomize
