ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
