Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
my being single is dangerous.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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