I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
