It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
