I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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