Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
