Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
