I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
