dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
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