why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
