Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
