i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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