I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
