happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
