next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
