I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
