i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
