She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
