and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
