Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
