fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
