My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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