Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
