i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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