he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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