This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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