Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
