do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
bring money and cleavage
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
