This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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