my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Sext me about skeletons
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
