Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
