My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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