So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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