Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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