i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
