Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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