I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
