If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
