Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
