wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
