How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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