Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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