Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Randomize
