names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
