____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
