You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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