so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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