I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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