you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
