In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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