wanna go halves on a baby?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Found your dick twin last night
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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