I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Sorry my hands just texted you
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
