why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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