We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
