When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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