The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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