So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
