Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
